Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
