Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
