eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
