READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
