You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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