i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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