Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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