i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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