Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
