I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
