you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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