dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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