i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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