I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
