So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
