Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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