You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
