girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
