is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
