Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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