i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
