What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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