Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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