god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
