either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
