youre lurking in front of me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
