dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
