her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ruined the universe
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
