Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
