I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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