all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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