$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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