Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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