is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
