i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have feelings that need drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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