Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
