I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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