so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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