Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize