All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
