He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
