the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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