Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
