I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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