2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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