so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
