Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
