this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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