Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
