...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
