I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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