apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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