there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
