i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
