that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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