my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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