I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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