he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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