I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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