dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
