Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
