Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
