Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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